Hmmm

I believe in my heart of hearts that life is a test.

Something (God? Allah? Vishnu?) somewhere in the greater omniverse has dispatched us to this beautiful hell to see how we do.

And one of those tests is, can we be happy on our own regardless of circumstances?

The first month of when I volunteered for the Crisis Line was training. And I’m still amazed by this one person in training, who had a childhood from hell living in the projects and even watching his best friend get killed when they were 13, yet he had a positive outlook on life and was smiling.

Here I was, thinking I’d had challenges because I’d been a late bloomer with extreme ADHD so was getting teased (for being small) and getting yelled at (for being distracted) and forever feeling frustrated because I had to work twice hard to prove myself to coaches because of my smaller size. Turns out, I had an amazing childhood with a boring neighborhood and parents who put food on the table every night and no violence other than the occasional school yard stuff. Who was I to be unhappy?? I don’t think I’ve complained about my childhood ever since meeting that person.

Some people need stuff to be happy. A great car, a great house, more money. Other people need experiences to be happy. Great travels and great foodie experiences. And still others are just never happy at all.

But for me, I believe the true test is if we can be happy where we are with what we have right here right now. No matter what. And by happy I guess for me I mean contentment and experiencing some moments of bliss.

In my 20s and 30s I was rarely happy. I had something to prove, I had things to accomplish, I always felt like my life was falling short (especially when I was in my 20s working low paying jobs while other people my age were making millions playing sports). I took a huge step forward in my 40s. I’ve regressed a little bit in recent years but am working to get back to being happy and content at all times and in all places.

To me, that is the definition of true happiness. Anything otherwise is just a misunderstanding of what actual happiness really is, and what life is really all about.