Hmmm

When I was in my 30s I worried so much about having a terrific lawn and garden. Partially to impress my neighbors but mostly I think to impress my parents, who always strove to have perfect lawns and gardens when I was a kid. 20 years later my back lawn and gardens are a total disaster. Know what? I’m actually happier 🙂

UNABRIDGED VERSION

The first summer that I was a homeowner I was 29 years old.

The house was a fixer upper in Ballard (Seattle) because that was all I could afford, and part of having a fixer upper was that the yard and gardens were an unmitigated disaster. The yard was a patchwork of dirt, moss and weeds, and the garden was just a hodgepodge of overgrown shrubs and trees along with a variety of overgrown vines.

I spent almost every free minute of that first summer out in the yard, desperately working to make the lawns and gardens look presentable, partially because that was what my neighbors saw but mostly because that was the first thing my parents and friends saw when they approached the house. How important it was to me back then to make a great first impression, to have a manicured lawn and tamed weed-free gardens. To me, a good lawn announced to the world, “Look at me — I’ve got my act together!”

Although I was exhausted from work and new homeownership and just life in general, every single morning I got out of bed, put on grubby clothes, then charged out into the yards. On Saturdays and Sundays, I was out there until the evening hours like a devoted pre-automation farmer. I cleaned up the moss, dug up every single weed, sowed countless amounts of grass seed. I pulled out the vines (which took the better part of two days), tore out the hideous boxy shrubs, pulled more weeds than I could possibly count, and just kept working working working. I think the dump fees from all the greens I pulled out exceeded $200 (which would be close to $600 today) today which was about $199 more (which would be close to $597 today 🙂 )than we could afford in those days after the mortgage and insurance and groceries.

It took the better part of two years, but eventually the yards and the gardens were perfect. All the bare patches filled in with grass, the moss dissipated and all the dandelions became past history. The gardens were filled with flowers and bark and actually looked pretty good. 

I knew I’d made it when one day my neighbor complimented my lawn and then apologized for the state of his lawn (I didn’t care; my keeping the yards nice were all about me and my fear of judgement and had nothing to do with the state of my neighbor’s lawn).

For the next 10 years I spent every week mowing the lawn and edging the lawn. Even after we hired landscapers to keep the garden weed free, I continued to keep our lawns perfect.

Then my health gave out. And suddenly I no longer had the energy or the physical stamina or (most importantly) the desire to keep the gardens perfect anymore.

Today, 30 years later, my lawn is a disaster. The front lawn has been replaced by environmentally-safe turf, which makes that part easy. But the back yard? Oh my gosh! It’s a disaster. The grass is a foot tall. The weeds are waist high. And it would be impossible to imagine that the owners of that home (us) ever cared about the state of their lawn. And know what? I’m totally okay with that.

Because what I learned when I was 42 when my health gave out is that there is more to life than lovely lawns. That when there are weeds or bare patches that the world just keeps turning all the same. And every single minute I spent fretting over a lawn mower or taking time away from something else I’d rather do is a minute that I’ll never get back. And that at the end of the day, my neighbors thinking I’m impressive or not impressive really doesn’t matter.

I take some pride that my lawn was once amazing. Because it shows I can do it if I want to. But I also take some pride that I prioritize my life, that some weeds and tall grass in the backyard (which is out of sight of our neighbors) won’t hurt anyone. And mom and dad (now approaching 80) seem to love me just fine even when my lawn and gardens aren’t perfect.

Some people love to garden. Not me. For me it’s a chore. And wisdom I’ve acquired is this: put (good quality) turf where the neighbors can see. And then let nature do its worst in the hidden parts (back yard). And not only is life still okay, but I have a lot more fun and free time too.

PICTURE:

Is that a tree? No, it’s a waist-high weed in my back yard. And that’s okay.

ABOUT:

This is my fun site. The one where I can just write and have fun and be totally vulnerable without fear of judgement. Names are changed where needed to protect the innocent, and I retain all rights without any liability whatsoever 🙂 Contact me at “fromthedeskofrob@gmail.com.”