Hmmm

I spent my 20s getting started in the workplace. Graduating college, then graduating graduate school, then looking for my first career job, meanwhile working working working and paying rent.

I spent my 30s in hell. I worked worked worked to get ahead and worked worked worked to raise the kids while their mom (my ex) was off doing god-knows-what.

I then spent my 40s (luckily) beating back idiopathic lung disease and starting a new life following the dissolution of my first marriage.

Now here I am.

My kids are grown. I’m burned out on the corporate world (real estate is hard work but isn’t the same all-encompassing soul sucker). I am happily re-married with a person who likes spending time for me so I no longer need to find outside meaning (talking to strangers, volunteering, etc.). I have some savings but not limitless amounts of money to travel the world 24×7. I would love to be a novelist but then again that won’t pay the bills and I’m a person who’d need to devote my full energies to it which isn’t possible right now.

Which leaves me a little lost right now. I’m a rudderless ship.

But you know what?

That’s okay.

Does a lion spend its days wondering what its direction is?

Do all the people “resting” in the graveyard a mile from our home currently wish they’d had more direction in life?

I doubt it.

Our cats seem to have no direction in life, but also seem pretty content too. They seem to have a good life.

So I’m rudderless right now. Directionless. But that’s okay. Life is life. Direction in life is just something we add to try to craft meaning into what is ultimately an ambiguous and tenuous existence in the omniverse.

My chore is not to find meaning or direction. It’s to enjoy life (while being a good + accountable person) as much as I can while I’m here.