At night I am reading “Still Alice.” What an incredibly moving journey it is.
The movie was great. But the book is even better. Because the author puts us inside of Alice’s head, and here we are as a respected Harvard professor who love our work, and then we begin the very gradual then the very sudden process of going through the stages of (Early Onset) Alzheimers from the initial wondering if something is wrong, to learning something is wrong, to dreading telling our family, then feeling like we’ve disappointed our family, and then in just a very short year starting to get confused and losing our memories and not being able to work anymore.
When I was 22 I had a professor who I thought was bat shit crazy. I went to class every day, did all the assignments with reasonable feedback, and then was called into his office a few weeks before the end of class where he seemed irritated with me and said, “I don’t see how you’re going to pass this class.” There were many times in college where I deserved a D or an F and was able to connive my way into a B or a C, but this was a time I deserved an A or a B and got a C. I was pissed and went to the Dean, who backed the professor and not me, and for many years I’ve thought back on how bat shit crazy that professor was. But last night it struck me that maybe he had Alzheimers. Or dementia. Or even just mental illness. And suddenly I felt very sorry that I was not kinder to him. Or was not more attentive to those beautiful people I’ve known (I’m thinking of one in particular) who died of Alzheimers.
What I’m learning from this book and from typing this is that when all else fails, show compassion and kindness. Because it’s possible that their brain is going through trauma we just can’t see.
Here are to the people we’ve loved. And to the people who have lost the second most important thing we all have after life — our memories. And here is to the book Still Alice, which robbed me of some sleep last night but also is opening my eyes a little bit more which is a beautiful thing.
Life, Work & Wonder 