Life, Work & Wonder

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  • High School Was The Most Secure Time Of My Personal Life

    Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

    I’ll never forget the last week of eighth grade.

    I skipped (with my parents’ permission) all the eighth grade ceremonies. It was an incredibly sunny week. And I just felt so much relief that I never had to go to junior high school again.

    I think most Americans look back on middle school with less-than-warm-and-fuzzy feelings. For me, it was an especially hellacious time of life. I was a late bloomer, meaning I was the smallest kid in the class, which overall I didn’t mind except I played sports and although I was more coordinated than most kids I was always battling for playing time against coaches who preferred bigger kids. Being a late bloomer also meant I looked like a 4th grader in a sea of kids who had overdeveloped bodies, which made the social circle kind of tough. And I was also an extremely hyperactive and talkative kid, which basically meant all my teachers despised me. It was two years from hell, actually.

    When that last week of junior high school hit, I swore that high school would be a different experience for me. That I’d try to find a way to blend in more.

    Whether it was because kids were more mature in high school, or I’d figured out how to blend in more, my high school experience was a much better experience.

    I got decent grades. Had my fair share of playing time in sports. And kids more or less left me alone. I was just a regular kid who went to school for seven hours, did the bare minimum of homework to get Bs, and then really really enjoyed my after school hours.

    I read a lot of books (ironically, rarely ones assigned for school). Played a lot of games. Played a lot of basketball. And spent a LOT of time laughing with (not at) classmates and friends.

    Although my time in actual class bored the heck out of me, I loved those years. I had extra spending money from part-time jobs. I had my friends. And I didn’t have a lot of responsibility, not like in the adult years when life is mostly drudgery for anyone who is wholly devoted to their family.

    With the exception of maybe a year or two in college, I’d never again know a life like this. It was a wonderful time. And at graduation — when most of my friends were celebrating — I remember feeling pretty mixed, because I knew (from watching my parents’ burdens) that a good time of my life was closing.

    Life is amazing. And there are always pockets of joy within any phase of life. But it was actually difficult to say goodbye to that time of my life that included high school.

  • Dear Teen Self: Run!!

    What advice would you give to your teenage self?

    Dear Teen Rob:

    Run!

    Run (like hell!) from that young woman that approaches the you in the club several weeks a row before reeling you in. She is a narcissist wearing the guise of a charming person, and she will suck the joy (and money) from your life for decades.

    Run from Corporate America! They too will suck the joy from your life for decades to come. You’ll actually do surprisingly well in Corporate America until your 40s, but you’ll hate it. You’ll hate the waves-and-waves of bullshit and the politicking backstabbers and the job insecurity and (most of all) the sociopathic CxOs who run the joints.

    Run as fast as you can and don’t stop until you’re safely away. Then stop. Take a deep breath. And reeeeelllllllaaaaxxxxx. Life will be okay. You don’t have to rush. You’re going to live for many more decades. Don’t marry for awhile. Don’t have kids for awhile. Become the national weatherservice weatherperson you’re thinking about becoming. Or not. Maybe lean into the data analysis that you’re actually pretty good at and enjoy and then go find a government job somewhere where they don’t fire you and you have job security. Write the book(s) you want to write. Eat tacos from a taco joint for dinner every night. Play a lot of competitive softball centerfield, which you’ll find that you really enjoy, and less basketball, which brings you joy but also brings injury and stress for you.

    There is no magical formula to life. There is no plan to life. You don’t have to be married early. Don’t have to have a career job early. Don’t have to have a house early. Stop fretting about those things. Stop striving for those things. Keep your expenses low, put a little bit of money each month into a diversified stock and bond portfolio, and just work jobs you don’t mind working that pay the bills.

    So. Right now. Stop what you’re doing. And run. Run like hell. Then take a deep breath. And just slow the fuck down.

  • If I Want To Live Forever, I Need Only Attend Corporate Presentations From Hell

    What bores you?

    There is the saying that only boring people are bored. But is that true?

    I’ve found in life that I’m rarely bored when left to my own devices. There is sooooooo much to do in life!!!! So many books to read, magazines to peruse, films to watch, exercises to do, hikes to take, places to explore. If I lived a thousand years, I couldn’t begin to cross everything off my list that I’d like to do. So for me, the problem isn’t boredom but sometimes of feeling overwhelmed.

    For me, the only time I feel bored is when I’m trapped. When I was a kid, that meant sitting in class with teachers who dictated what we had to do, or sitting in a class (e.g. shop class) where I had no interest. As an adult, it’s corporate mandated trainings and meetings. Life is an ETERNITY when I sit in these meetings. I feel so bored. So trapped. I feel like if I want to live forever, I should just spend every day in a Corporate Presentation. But who wants to live forever in that way? That’s like an eternity in hell.

    Have I ever left a corporate presentation Zoom call or a training or a meeting where I thought, that was worth my time? Not that I can think of. But I do feel like time has slowed down and that the day was 10 years long.

    So I’m rarely bored when left to my own devices. It’s when I’m forced to waste my time in meetings where I feel trapped and bored. If I want to live forever, I’ll just spend the rest of my life going to corporate meetings.

  • For Me, The Best DIY Project Is No DIY Project

    Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

    Spring 2001.

    I was in the midst of a major (and expensive) home remodel which involved improving the basement and actually finishing the top floor of a three story house. In the midst of all this, it was decided to also paint the main floor bathroom.

    I was 33. I had a lot of energy. I had a young family (two young children) with a stay at home parent (their mom) who needed every ounce of savings we could spare. So I decided to take on the painting of the main floor bathroom. It didn’t matter that for four years before this I had tried and failed at numerous home improvement projects that we ultimately had to hire to be rebuilt. This was painting. How hard could it be?

    For two nights, after work, after dinner, after story time and teeth brushing time and putting the kids to bed time, I went into the bathroom and I painted. I’d change my clothes, get the brushes etc.. I taped all the edges, and carefully carefully carefully rolled and brushed the paint on the floor. I don’t remember why it took so long, maybe it was because I put on two coats of paint, but I believe I painted for two days until 1am, perhaps eight hours in total. I’d go to bed exhausted, get up at 6am the next morning, put in another full (stressful) day at work, then repeat the process.

    When I was done, the bathroom looked — terrible.

    Truly terrible.

    I hadn’t taped properly so the paint edges looked like bright dragon’s teeth. There were drips all over the place where the paint had been too think so sweated down the wall. And the paint had been applied spectacularly unevenly where some spots were pretty bare.

    Despite my exhausting effort that cost me probably eight hours of sleep, we ended up hiring someone to re-paint the bathroom walls. In other words, my effort was a complete waste of time.

    I had to admit to myself, that no matter my intentions, no matter how many books I read or videos I watch, I am not a DIYer. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I’m just not good with tools or projects like that, in terms of aptitude, efficiency and skills.

    We like to say, where there’s a will there’s a way. But that’s not true at all. Just like there are lots of people in this world who will never run a 4.4 forty no matter how much they devote themselves to that cause, there are people like me who will never be a skilled or acceptable DIYer. My brain just isn’t wired that way.

    So, for me, I’ve learned that I can waste my time trying, or I can just pay the money upfront. So that’s what I do.

    For all this reasoning, I’d say my best DIY project was that bathroom since it showed me the mirror. But the truth is the best DIY project is — for me — no DIY project.

  • Going To Be A Career Day Speaker

    A week ago there was an email from my kids’ high school looking for adults willing to be a Career Day speaker wherein we prepare a 15 minute presentation about our career and then present it to the students during Career Day. I volunteered to talk about what it’s like being a Seattle Real Estate Agent. Today I learned I’ve been approved and will be presenting. I can’t tell you how excited I am!

    There’s that old joke that more people are afraid of public speaking than death, which means people would rather be the person in the casket than the person giving the eulogy. And time was that I thought I was a terrible speaker and hated giving speeches.

    But I’ve learned in recent years that I’m actually pretty decent at giving speeches when I like what I’m talking about. Following a prescriptive Corporate Powerpoint Presentation with all the typical “look how amazing we are” slides? I’m awful. Giving a QBR presentation? Very hit and miss depending on if I like the team and the presentation isn’t too formulaic.

    But give me a topic I want to talk about, give me some time to ponder how to go about presenting it, and give me an open format to work with, and often I’m decidedly okay giving a presentation and I actually like it and can be relatively funny.

    In late 2019 my moronic manager took my client presentation and tweaked it a short time before I was supposed to give the presentation in person while jet lagged. It didn’t go very well. Partially because he turned it into the same eye-rolling presentation a million other software companies deliver to the poor prospective clients, partially because the last second changes didn’t give me time to prepare the new presentation, partially because the changes ripped apart the flow I’d been rehearsing in my head for a few days before the speech, and partly because of the time I would have been physically (eating) and mentally (breathing) preparing for the speech I was trying to learn his last minute tweaks. When he tried to do the same thing two months later, I ignored his changes and did my original presentation that client presentation went much better (spoiler alert: we lost the first client opportunity and won the second).

    A few months later I gave a presentation to medical students about my experience with a rare lung disease. I had a few weeks to prepare, had an open format to work with, and was passionate about the topic. The result when I gave that speech? It went great! So great that even my ex-wife who was embarrassed by everything I did at the time and was in the audience as a medical student herself even seemed remotely impressed.

    I love real estate. I love being a real estate agent in Seattle. So I’m excited to talk about my career in a few weeks. And excited to talk about my career to a group of high school students who are trying to figure out this career thing. I’m grateful to be given the opportunity and am looking forward to preparing and then giving the presentation.

  • “LinkedIn Lunatics” Made Me Sad In So Many Ways But Mostly For The Mocking

    Last night I was in a weird dream state so I got up for an hour or so and read. Eventually I read a novel but for the first 15 minutes I was on Reddit, and stumbled upon LinkedIn Lunatics.

    LinkedIn is nuts. What with so many people touting their successes and self-proclaiming their godlike abilities, and so many corporate hiring manager expectations that we maintain a LinkedIn profile where we tout our resume for the world to see. And for the past 10 years or so LinkedIn has encouraged anyone and everyone to post, so there are a LOT of posts, mostly self-improvement types where people are like Jesus sharing learning parables and such.

    But what makes me sad is the LinkedIn Lunatics subreddit wherein people re-post people’s LinkedIn posts to mock the writer and more often than not include the LinkedIn poster’s name and picture.

    Why the public shaming and mocking? Why include the person’s name?

    Mostly these are regular working people hoping to get someone’s attention so that they get a better job, or more clients, or become respected in some way. It’s a human need to be loved and respected, and this is their attempt to become that in the professional world. Is it weird that so many people essentially brag and act like sages on LinkedIn? Sure. But publicly mocking them in a widely read forum is unkind.

    We’re all buffoons sometimes. We all have our moments where we maybe brag a little too much. Or say something that we think is profound but is actually goofy. And I think it’s awesome that the bottom 99% of people (nearly all of us) in 2026 has a variety of platforms to be heard or seen —- time was 30 years ago the only way to be seen or heard or to express a voice was to be lucky enough to have some editor somewhere decide to share you with the world.

    Reading these LinkedIn posts, I feel like most of the bravado is actually self-talk, as in, “I can do this.” It’s the little engine that should telling themselves “I think I can.” I think it’s great people have a self-contained platform to do this that I can tune out if I want to, and I sure as heck don’t need to mock them. That is a non-public human being that we are mocking on LinkedIn Lunatics. At the very least, can’t they at least scratch out the original name and picture?

  • Rediscovering Raymond Chandler

    In my 20s I loved Raymond Chandler.

    I was teaching high school film study, and in my preparation to teach Film Noir I perused Raymond Chandler’s “Farewell, My Sweet.”

    How much I fell in love with the writing and the character.

    There was a dry wit/humor to the writing, and a cadence that only belongs to Raymond Chandler. I enjoyed that it took place in LA during the 40s and 50s, and that he was a tough decent character in a sea of seedy characters.

    I read one book after another. And I read Chandler’s biography. And then I moved on with life.

    I left teaching. Raised my kids. Found other things to read.

    Last week I was reading the Longmire series. And there is something about that character that reminds me of Philip Marlowe, and something about that writing that reminds me of Raymond Chandler. And I found myself re-reading The Long Goodbye.

    How much I love it.

    Anyway, happiness is rediscovering a past joy we’d put aside. And I’m looking forward to re-reading all of Chandler’s novels over the next few years.

  • I Learned That When All Is Taken From Me It’s Coffee That I Miss Most

    What is your favorite drink?

    In 2012 my doctor suggested I give up a lot of foods I love. Just for six months or so, so not for terribly long. But still. It was a lot to ask all things considered.

    For more than a year I’d been mired in hell battling lung disease. I’d spent the better part of a month going through a myriad of doctor’s appointments and tests before spending a week in the hospital as they tried to diagnose what I had (spoiler alert: a very very rare disease with only a handful of known cases at the time). Then I’d spent six months on prednisone and other medicines to battle the disease. Then the real hell began: utter exhaustion as the disease and the doctor’s faded away and left me to pick up the pieces of what had been a normal life just 12 months earlier.

    Turns out all the prednisone I’d been on had created sensitivities to a lot of foods, many of which I love: breads (yeast), chocolate, most fruits and (aarrrgggghhhh) coffee among them. I was placed on a strict limited diet to decrease inflammation and to give my body a chance to re-set. This meant that I had to give up nearly everything I love to eat, including pizza, chocolate and coffee.

    What I learned from this experience is that you can take nearly everything from me, and what I most hated sacrificing was my coffee.

    I love coffee.

    I love waking up in the morning to a cup of coffee. Sipping coffee throughout the day. And a midafternoon espresso to give me a final boost.

    I love the smell. I love the feeling. And I love the experience of coffee.

    To take that away from me was very very hard. And I was so grateful when I was told it was okay to drink it again six months later.

    We learn how important things are when they are taken away. Lung disease cost me my ability to play competitive sports, the political ability (and desire) to thrive in Corporate America, and even my first marriage. But it was coffee that I missed most of all when I couldn’t have it.

    Here’s to life. And here is to life with a fresh cup of coffee.

  • Sometimes I Feel Almost Like The Old Me

    Time was I hopped out of bed first thing in the morning.

    I made coffee, ate a healthy (fruit) breakfast, did the dishes, fed the dogs, then either walked/ran or hustled to the gym for an hour before starting my 10-12-hour work day. During the day I moved moved moved, and frankly didn’t have a lot of patience without the drive or energy I had. After the kids were in bed, after I’d read them a story and helped them get on their pajamas, then I’d ready or watch movies or work some more.

    That was before 2011. Before lung disease clawed away all my energy. For two years after that, it was all I could do just to function in life. That was total hell.

    I remember asking my doctor, “Is it hopeless? Will I always feel this tired?”

    He looked me in the eye, and said, “You know, we can look at this way: the old you, the one that was at the top 1% for energy, is gone. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get you feeling better than you do now.”

    It took the better part of five years, but by 2017 I was starting to feel normal again. Nowhere near the old me, but not perpetually overwhelmed and exhausted all the time.

    Then in early 2020 I got Covid. The fever lasted a week, but it taxed the heck out of me and in the six years since I haven’t quite felt the same again, although I felt a heck of a lot better than I did in 2012 and I continue to improve from 2020.

    But there are days I start to feel like the old me. The pre 2011 me. Hyper manic. Energetic. Like the last few days.

    Evy is on break this week. And I didn’t have to volunteer this week. And I am working as my own boss in real estate versus working for Micromanagers From 21st Century Corporate Hell. And the result is I’m feeling good. So very good. In fact, the last few days I’ve felt great. I’ve cooked. I’ve cleaned. Done laundry. Been productive as heck at work. And I start to feel like the old me, the me before 2011.

    It feels amazing.

    I’m grateful.

    I’m grateful I used to have so much energy. Grateful that I know what that feels like (amazing!). I’m grateful that I survived lung disease, and that I feel better today than I did in 2012 and again in 2020.

    Life is a journey. I’m grateful for the journey of the past few days.

  • Sincerity And Groundedness Rules All (My Favorite People To Be Around)

    Who are your favorite people to be around?

    For starters, humans are pack animals not herd animals.

    Take a pack of wolves and then a herd of deer. We don’t think of ourselves this way, but humans and human society are much more akin to the wolves than we are to the deer. We often don’t think so. But even the lowest of the low often have a pecking order within the pack they are trying to protect, or a wound they are nursing that keeps them on the periphery in some way. I think back to Marcy in grade school, who was a notorious tattletale to the teacher or the coworkers who reported to our boss that another coworker took a two-hour lunch while the the boss was out of town — that was unwittingly displaying pack behavior by protecting our order beneath the alpha.

    But there are people who aren’t this.

    They are the people at the social gathering who seem genuinely interested in our story although we’re not in a place to help them at that particular time.

    The people who bring by food when we are sick. Or who never ever say a bad word about us (gossip) to other people.

    Who give more than they take.

    They are sincere people. Genuine people. And caring people.

    I remember this woman named Jen. We were at a party and she remembered meeting me at a gathering two years earlier. She remembered my name, that I had two kids, remembered the details about those kids, and she spent 15 minutes asking me questions about everything and genuinely seemed interested. The sincerity, authenticity and kindness that coursed through her was so strong that it was palpable. Ten years later I can still recall how that felt, and also how she was like that with everyone else at the party. She wasn’t putting on an act and didn’t have an agenda – that’s just who she was. Later, I commented to (my now ex) about her and she said, “Oh yeah, that’s Jen, she’s just the kindest person. Everyone in our social club loves her.”

    I love these rare souls so much. How can the rest of us ever repay someone like that?

    We can’t.

    And those are my very favorite people to be around.