Life, Work & Wonder

Author: Rob In Seattle

  • An Average Home (AKA My Dream Home)

    Write about your dream home.

    There was a time when I daydreamed a LOT about my perfect home. Oh my gosh I wanted a perfect home.

    My perfect home was large, of course, with a large yard, of course. It was on a quiet street with a view of the mountains and water. And there was a spacious swimming pool and a sport court complete with a basketball hoop. And everything (!!!) was in perfect condition, not because I was a relentless do-it-myselfer but because I had a staff of people to keep everything in perfect condition for me.

    How much I yearned for all this. Sometimes that yearning hurt my heart. A lot.

    That was then.

    All those things are less important to me now. I’ve learned that I have a lot of friends with perfect houses who I can visit. And that since I have a visual imagination (I’m not a visual person but I have a visual imagination) that I can image living in a perfect home. And that a massive perfect house with an attending staff headspace and energy. And would cost a lot of ongoing money.

    For me, now, my perfect house is an average house. A smaller house. It has a few bedrooms, a couple of bathrooms, an artificial yard that stays green and needs no mowing. It’s large enough that the kids can crash when they need to.

    I love our house now. It has all these things. Plus a lot of trees. Right in the heart of Seattle. It’s Larissa’s house, not my house. But in my lifetime I’ve owned two homes and a fourplex: that is a lot of homes (seven, technically) to manage. So I’m okay sharing Larissa’s house with her, sharing the upkeep with her while allowing her to reap the financial benefits of homeownership (while I myself am invested in stocks and bonds to cover our living costs in retirement). That’s okay with me.

    I really am grateful that life can change us. That once I yearned for bigger things, but now I’m okay with simpler things while also admiring/helping people who want/need bigger things. There’s no perfect answer to a dream home, it’s what works for the person. For me, I’m right where I want to be.

  • Is There Any More Evidence That Earth Is Hell Than No One Breaking In To Clean Our House?

    It’s a long decidedly-uninteresting story as to why, but our cleaners don’t clean our basement, just our main floor. Which means cleaning the basement is on us, which means in busy times (nearly always) the basement doesn’t get cleaned as often as it should except for our office area.

    This morning I noticed some dirt left by our contractors (or me) next to the basement exit door. It needs to be swept. And it sure as heck won’t get swept today. Yes, I keep a small broom upstairs to sweep by that door, but in my long list of priorities sweeping the floor next to the basement door is not high on that list.

    Which makes me wonder: Why don’t good break-ins happen??

    We’re forever worried about people breaking in to steal our laptops from our office. And it’s possible that can happen if we don’t take precautions like not leaving the laptops in view when we’re not around. But there is basically zero chance of anyone breaking in and stealing the dirt by the back door.Of breaking in and sweeping, or cleaning the bathroom, or upgrading/optimizing our laptops, or vacuuming the couch.

    Which is more evidence that Earth is actually Hell. That somewhere out there in the omniverse at some point in the past we were condemned to amnesia and prison or to hell, and it’s here, on Earth. I love life. And I love our Earth. But that doesn’t mean it’s not hell.

    For example:

    Why is paranoid schizophrenia always bad? Why is it that the unfortunate souls* who suffer from it have misguided delusions that often hurt themselves or others? Why aren’t they walking in an imaginary world filled with happy people who tell them to do amazing things, rather than a scary world where voices tell them to do bad things?

    Why are people always abducted for bad things? For money, or to hurt them? Why isn’t there ever a time where someone disappears and it’s because some good samaritan crazy person kidnapped** them to HELP them by curing their cancer or making them more youthful or something? Like suddenly our friend is abducted, then a few days later they’re returned with that cancerous growth removed?

    Anyway. Earth is Hell. I’m convinced of it. And I need to look no further than the unswept dirt on my floor and how there is zero chance of some hooligan sweeping it away for us.

    NOTES:

    (*) Note: a recently past family acquaintance had this — it’s awful)?

    (**) My heart goes out to the Guthrie family. And also the families of the 90,000 outstanding missing persons cases in the US.

  • Super Bowl Not An Excused Absence? (AKA Where’s The Humanity)

    Two.

    That’s how many Super Bowls the Seattle Seahawks have won in my lifetime, and I was alive and well during our first season in 1976. (It’s also how many Seahawks games I’ve watched over the past 10 years — the NFC Championship and the Super Bowl — although I do root from afar and read about them every day in the sports journals).

    So it’s a special occasion for a city to win the Super Bowl, and there are projected to be a million delirious Seattle-ites at the Super Bowl Parade today.

    The Seattle Public Schools announced that schools will be open as scheduled and the Super Bowl Parade is NOT an excused absence.

    As someone who attended Seattle Public Schools as a student for 13 years (K-12), then taught in Seattle Public Schools for a year as a substitute teacher and administrator, and who now volunteers for a charity that helps deliver food to kids in need at schools, I think it’s AMAZING they’re keeping the schools open. Because there are families and kids who need the schools to be open as a safe space for eight hours.

    But wow oh wow. To not EXCUSE attending the parade? Making kids miss a memorable experience? Or making them fight through overpacked busses or closed streets to get to school? Where’ the humanity in that? Why not keep the schools open but also be understanding if kids can’t make it to school that day because of the parade? That would be the double-awesomeness of humanity.

    We live in a world where there is increasingly less humanity. Where wealthy people lay workers off while pocking more money. Where companies lay off human beings for robots. Where people hate on each other over political beliefs? Why not show a little extra humanity when we can by having a place kids can go to but not expecting them to be there on what is a special day for their city?

  • A Night Of “Sunset Boulevard” And “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” (AKA The Risk Of Being Kept. Or Suckered)

    Last night, for the first time in maybe five years, we walked two movies back-to-back. It just so happened that both were classics.

    The first was Sunset Boulevard, picked for the primary reasons that we haven’t seen it in a long time, we love it, and it was free. The second was Breakfast At Tiffany’s, which I’ve seen twice (not in a long time) and couldn’t recall either of it other than it was two young kept people who develop a friendship. It was surprisingly good.

    It was interesting that we watched both movies on the same night because there is a similar string in a way. In essence, all the main characters are younger people struggling to pay bills who are at risk of (or dream of) becoming kept people by people with means.

    It is an interesting dynamic in a romantic relationship, a financially struggling person and financially comfortable person. Both people have to be totally grounded (I believe) and noble for it to work. The risks otherwise of course, is that one person takes advantage of the other. This can work how we might expect it to work, wherein the wealthy person exploits the poor person; in Sunset Boulevard, the struggling “hero” as consumed by the wealthy older person until he loses his independence and identity and becomes a virtual prisoner. But it can work the other way too, where the struggling person wraps their tentacles around the poor person.  In my own instance, I think of how I was 20-something with work ethic and a college degree and a savings account who met a high school dropout with bad credit and literally nothing to her name. I feel like she latched on to me and drove me to get what she wanted in life until such time 30 years later that I was no longer capable or needed and so was put to pasture, all the while gaslighting me. I was duped. I should have been wiser. Smarter. I became a victim. It worked out for me in the end (I was free!!!) but I lost 25 years of my life and my health in the process.

    So it definitely can be where a person-in-need becomes entrapped, but so too can it work the other way. So it’s very important always that we enter a relationship with our eyes wide open, and we are aware of the potential dynamics, and we work to stay on sound footing, whether financially or otherwise. Anyway, that was my take.

    I loved watching those movies last night. It was a fun way to relax on a stormy evening. And I liked Breakfast At Tiffany’s a lot more than I thought I would. And how much I wish I’d been wiser about relationship dynamics when I was 23.

  • Wow — The Rain!

    It is pouring down rain today! I am holding an open house and got drenched. The sky is very dark, and the drops are very big, and it only takes a few moments for the shoes and jacket and pants to get damp. In a way, it’s cozy.

  • AutoPay and Digital Music Are The Greatest Inventions In My Lifetime :)

    The most important invention in your lifetime is…

    The world has changed so much in my lifetime.

    When I was born, we’d never been to the moon. It’s possible it was all a hoax and we still haven’t been to the moon, but let’s assume that it’s real and we indeed have been to the moon. That was the year after I was born. Pretty amazing. In my lifetime, so much has changed, of course. There are too many inventions and changes to even begin listing since we all know what those are. But, for me, the greatest inventions have been autopay and digital music.

    How much I hated paying bills before the 2000s. How much drudgery it was. There were checks to write, stamps to buy so I could send in those checks, reconciliation at the end of the month to make sure everything was accurate. Then for every day spending there was so much speculation how much cash I might need, then persistent worry I might lose or miscalculate the cash. Now it all — everything — just goes on my Visa which I can then peruse in a few minutes at the end of the month, challenge quickly online with Visa if something seems amiss, and then pay with the click of a button. Every expense imaginable goes on that credit card, and it has just made everything so much easier to deal with!

    And then there’s music.

    How much time did I waste in my life making mixed tapes. Or rewinding cassettes. Or cleaning records. How much money I spent for albums that overall I didn’t like very much but had two songs I liked. And how many times did I have to listen to a song over and over and over again on the radio until the point a song that I might have once liked became absolutely intolerable to listen to, not to mention all the ads in-between songs. But with digital on-demand music, every song I could possibly imagine is right there for free.

    The world has changed so much. Many of these have been bad, some of these have been good, and there’s no doubt it has changed the world so very much in 50 short years.

    But my favorite changes are on-demand music and auto pay. They’ve made my life so much easier and more enjoyable — every single day.

  • Pride Is Folly

    Pride.

    There was a time I had too much pride.

    Waaayyyyyy to much pride.

    It was pride that prevented me from being too open and out there in public. For example, I dreaded sales calling because of pride. And didn’t have social media accounts because of pride. And never ever allowed dirty dishes to be in the kitchen because of pride.

    Pride brought my spirit down when there was a flaw with my house or car. It made me sensitive (and lash out) at criticism (“f— you!”). It made me fret too much about silly statistics, like batting average or shooting percentage or quota attainment percentage. Who cares what I batted in recreational softball??

    It was pride that embarrassed me when my (now ex) wife promoted her business and herself, like that time she stood on the street corner and handed out Halloween candy with her business card on it. I remember having to quietly work so hard to swallow that pride, to let her do what she needed to do without commenting that it was embarrassing seeing my last name being handed out on a street corner.

    And it was pride that drove me to always look my best, to make sure my hair was good and my body was firm and I stayed youthful looking.

    In short, pride made me worry too much about how people perceived me.

    Then lung disease grabbed me in 2011. Put me in a hospital bed. Made me tired. Nearly killed me. Then, by some incredible undeserving miracle, it loosened its grasp on me and retreated, sparing me and letting me not only live but live without an oxygen tank (a 50/50 chance)!

    Maybe best of all, when lung disease retreated, it also took with it my pride. Which I think is a good thing. In fact, it’s a great thing.

    I could care less how people (except Larissa) perceive my career. Or whether they remember me as a good athlete or smart or not. Or see me as attractive or not. Who cares?? What does it change or matter??

    In 2019, when my hurtful ex-wife chose trying to shame me about various things rather than just honestly saying she wanted to move on with her life (i.e. chose gaslighting and shaming rather than transparency), I guffawed at her. “I won’t be judged by you,” I said. “I beat lung disease. What the f— have you done?”

    That was the moment I realized that I was truly confident. That lung disease spared me from the judgement of others. Because when we’ve faced the specter of death, not much in life can scare us after that.

    Now I don’t care how people perceive my career. Or think I’m goofy. Or roll their eyes at my goofy rambling face-book posts.

    It’s incredibly liberating.

    Today I made myself vulnerable. Posted on Facebook and Instagram and my LinkedIn page that I was holding an open house tomorrow. 15 years ago there is no way I would have done that, but today I only felt happy that I could do my best to promote Larissa’s client. It felt good.

    Meanwhile, I could care less if ultimately people on LinkedIn think I’ve had a successful career or not. I know the truth. What do I care how some random person perceives me based on my profile? This also feels good.

    Pride is folly. Because at the end of the day we’re all human and vulnerable and fallible. No matter how perfect we are or rich we are or even strong we are, we’re just a bout with lung disease or cancer away from death. This is humbling. And it’s beautiful.

    Here is to being pride free. And the incredibly luck that is beating terminal illness. I’m so grateful.

  • A Peaceful Morning Coffee Outside Makes Any Day An Ideal Day (AKA What Is My Ideal Day End To End?)

    Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

    My ideal day is sunny.

    Maybe it has rained overnight, maybe not, but in the morning when I wake up the sun is out, the windows are open, and I can hear the birds singing. The temperature is pleasant, and of course the flowers are in bloom.

    My perfect day involves leisurely coffee with Larissa. We’re dressed and sitting outside sipping coffee. It’s still on the early side and the day is still fresh. Maybe we’re on our patio, maybe we’re with family, maybe we’re on a rooftop deck somewhere. Maybe we’re near a blue ocean, maybe we’re in view of the mountains. None of that matters. As long as it’s sunny and mild, and the air is fresh, and we’re sipping our coffees together outside, it’s all good.

    Meanwhile, we have some savings, our bills are paid, we no debt, our families are healthy and happy, and we’re not rushing off to some mandatory situation that day. Basically we don’t have any major worries at the moment. I’m not saying none of the situations don’t exist right now, but any ideal day must have these situations going on (or not going on) in the background.

    After that? I don’t care. Because already it’s an ideal day.

    Life is hard. But if we can carve out any moments of joy during the day, and we can start out the day with a peaceful coffee, and we have no significant worries (health, financial, safety, famine, drought) at the moment, then that is a terrific terrific day. Anything else is just gravy IMO.

  • Had To Make A Difficult Choice Of Choosing One Bid Over Another

    We needed our deck completed, so I sat down one day and called a variety of contractors with good Google reviews, and we ended up entertaining for bids from three of them.

    One of them was easy to dismiss. The person who arrived to build the estimate was a little cynical about everything before delivering a too-salesy pitch that more-or-less touted the saintly qualities of both the company and its founder. Thankfully his bid was twice as much as the other two, so it was easy to sweep that bid aside.

    But the other two bids were terrific.

    Both the contractors had great reviews and were highly experienced while exuding a tremendous amount of know-how as they talked through everything with us. Then as we asked for clarifications and modifications during the decision process, both were incredibly responsive and patient, and basically easy to work with. To top it all off, they were the same price almost to the dollar.

    Who to choose?? And, worse, who to disappoint?

    Sometimes it’s challenging to pick someone because they’re all terrible. But even worse is when there are two (or more) who are sublime, because in the end we only have one deck but two deserving people which means one person is going to be disappointed.

    In the end, I explained the situation to the contractor we didn’t select. And he was very gracious in his response, which I’m thankful for.

    There’s that great line in Amadeus, where he can’t decide on wigs so wishes he had more than one head. And so it was with our deck: I hated to disappoint someone, and wish so much we had more than one deck to build.

    It’s hard in life to be a people pleaser. Because in the end it’s impossible to please everyone. Such is my cross to bear.

  • It’s A Gift To Remember Numbers

    I don’t have a great brain for remembering words, but time was I had a fairly decent brain for remembering numbers.

    Until about 15 years ago, I remembered any date I saw in writing (which made history exams much easier), phone numbers without trying, useless statistics of any kind (I loved reading the Baseball Encyclopedia at night), and could memorize just about any number I put half a mind to.

    I never realized how incredibly useful this was.

    About 15 years ago I battled lung disease. And a neurologist told me that those top echelons of our brain are the most susceptible to oxygen deprivation, and I do believe that that battle shaved some of my capacity for numbers away (aka caused some brain damage 🙂 ). And although I am still above average for remembering numbers, it’s by no means fail-proof and have to work at it a lot harder to remember them.

    For example, today I was asked by NWLMS for my six-digit ID number, a number I was assigned yesterday. It went like this:

    CALL AGENT: “May I have your ID number?”

    ME: “Uh.”

    CALL AGENT: “It’s the six digit number we assigned you.”

    ME: “Yes, I know. I need to find it in my email.”

    Sigh.

    That’s embarrassing and a pain in the butt.

    Conversely, I remember this situation from 2005:

    ME (on headset while driving): Do you have that phone number I need to call?

    COLLEAGUE: Yes, but aren’t you driving?

    ME: Yes, but you can just tell me. I’ll remember.

    COLLEAGUE (skeptically): Okay, here it is. 513 blah blah blah blah blah blah (last digits removed to protect the innocent).

    ME: Okay, thank you. (The number was filed away in my memory at that point. Later, my colleague commented how remarkable it was that I could remember a phone number like that on the first listen while driving. But it was just how my brain worked, and it probably came at a sacrifice to other parts of my brain like how to change a light bulb).

    I never realized what a pain it is to have to try to memorize numbers. Everything is just a little bit harder now. And I have to have some kind of filing system that I never had to have before 10 years ago, although thank goodness the search feature on our devices makes it so much easier.

    It’s such a gift to remember numbers. And to remember numbers without trying. I wish I’d appreciated it more when I had it. But I’m grateful it was taken from me only after the world’s search mechanisms had become so powerful. And I’m grateful to be at least average — it could have been far worse 🙂